First of all GOD, where the fuck have you been... I dunt feel you in my life anymore. Its so hard to cope with life especially with no family and friends to turn to and now even my own girlfriend can't be trusted. I hope you're reading this God, i hate YOU! ok! i really really do.
I pray always for a better life for my family and I and everyone who i know and dunt know rememeber thos lines, and i pray for forgiveness for all of everybodies sins and all of my sins and i pray for everyone to be cured of their illness and never fall sick again and i pray for those people who are poor like me to be rich and live a wealthy healthy life and i have prayed for Lorene and i to get along very well and love each other and never let go and be faithfull and stuff and i prayed for good grades for my exams and help finanacially but wtf God, i dunt think i got any of them. But instead i got my friends laughing at me and treating me like some stranger, and i got my bestfriend lost in his own wolrd of wealth and he becomes so big headed and self-centred that i do not dare look in his eyes not even once and i always have this hate inside of me when i am around him. He became my foe... My mum and dad starts to shout at on another and gets me and my brudders involve at times and so much tears running down our faces like as if its a war and such an uncomfortable place to be in which we all call home. and is so no nice to feel. I sometimes wish that if onlie all these bad moments would appear as happy moments since they come out so often. my Family is soo disfunctional right now and i used to think that i could help but i was wrong. Each time I say something or try to help just keeps me going back to one thing and that is pain, heart felt pain... it hurts inside. its the same pain each time Lorene hurts me. And so much for curing my sickness, instead i get sick everyday... WTF man God, i dunt know how you hear my prayers but i think the delivery system up there aint workig. and earth is in hell... Well, i see my friends having the time of their lives and i cant help to get jealous and yes i do miss the times when i was fit and popular. My days are numbered now. It all seems so clear that this is my times to suffer. Suffer for some reason which i do not know about, probably the bad things i've done in life. i get it all back in one blow and i really hope this is the onlie one blow. I am at the verge of being so full of hate and i am scared that the devil reaches to me. I keep bringing myself back to the light but i still mix around with the devils adocate and i clearly see who they are but yet I still walk and talk with them. Its strange how unfair and cruel this world gets. I may have failed some of your test God, but do i deserve this. Lastly, My dear Lorene who has just used me and make me feel like this. Adding on to the pain i once had forgotten of. I was merely trying to help her in her work and some fun after that drove me little sleep, so how was i not to feel tired... i tried dear God, my very best to stay awake. It was so fucked up and i even made her happy by doing against my own will. But there sadly isn't love there, she does not apprecitae it at all. She onlie says it but i can never feel it. Its a cruel world. I just fought with her on sms and it has spoiled my day and made me even more sad than before. I really wish she could love me as much as i love her. Cos yeah i love her alot but the fire is getting smaller each day i see her... i could never tell her i love her and mean it becos its something we say everyday and she always thinks its a usual "yeah i love you" thing. We fight almost everyday and its becoming unneccesary and she is becoming unreasonable. i have so much hate stored inside for her. It pains me to know this too. really hate you God for doing this... FUCK YOU OK GOD! You piece of shit. WHy cant you guide me, show me a sign, anything tha would help me... i feel like a failure and i have so many problems up in my head,... Why have you done this to me. i hate myself. I feel like a failure i life. I try to be a good person and I try to make people happy. When was the last time someone made me happy instead. Happy for one full day without even getting a little angry.. I never had those kinda days but i know people have had them I am jealous and full or remorse and i am strating to type rubbish...you have to excuse me as i am not in the right state of mind right now.
Well i really hope this draft makes others feel how fortunate they are when they think they are now. This is currently the life i live. Amen!
